My first time playing spin the bottle didn’t go as I expected.
Brayden invited me to go to the party. We’d just graduated from high school, but he knew a few chicks from the local college, and it was at their house. Don’t know if it was a sorority or something, but the place was like a mansion.
I was low because my girlfriend Nicole just broke up with me to move across the country for school. She wasn’t interested in long distance. I wanted to be excited about the opportunity it posed—the chance to get laid whenever I wanted, get drunk and stupid, even experiment a little—but the thought of fishing in a room of strangers was overwhelming.
“I don’t know, dude. I’m not sure I’m up for something like that yet.”
“Come on, Cody, stop sulking.” He hit my chest with the back of his hand. “You need some college pussy.”
I sighed. “I have a feeling that’s easier said than done.”
He cocked one of his thick black brows at me. “The girl who told me about this thing? She whispered in my ear to bring condoms and lube. Ain’t no mistaking that.” The excitement that painted his face was clear as day.
Either way, guess I shouldn’t let you go alone. I rolled my eyes and agreed to go, on the condition that neither of us would get so fucked up we couldn’t leave.
Bass music pulsed through the floors of the house when we showed up at nine o’clock. It was teeming with people. Girls dressed in bright crop tops that glowed beneath black lights in the front room—like we’d somehow stepped into a different generation. A blacklight? Who the hell would bring a blacklight into this place on purpose? I was shocked not to see streaks of ominous white all over the furniture for all that Brayden had hyped up the place.
I didn’t drink much, and neither did he. Just enough to get a buzz and loosen up a little. Soon enough, I was swarmed by two or three girls who had more confidence than I did in spades.
“You’re super buff,” the blonde one said, squeezing my left bicep. “You play football?”
“Yeah, me and my buddy Brayden—”
“Check it out, jock alert," she screamed, and the other girls hooted in response. "Can you lift me up?"
I chuckled. "Sure." I scooped her in my arms with ease, to much cheering. But her weight reminded me of Nicole and the last time I swept her off the ground at graduation. Lost in my thoughts, I ignored whatever nasty thing she whispered in my ear. I just wasn't in the right headspace.
"Spin the bottle time!" another person called behind us. The volume of voices swelled again, and I put the blonde girl back down.
Brayden found me and slapped my back. "You alright, dude? That one looked ready to eat you with a spoon."
"Eh, wasn't feeling it." I shrugged. My heart jumped the second his palm touched my spine, though I tried to ignore it. Like I always did.
"Loosen up. Let's go play." He practically dragged me through the doorway. I couldn't compete with his strength and didn't want to. For all that the other guys here were decent, I didn't want to leave Brayden's side. He was like a security blanket to me.
Three of the college boys waved for Brayden and me to help push the furniture against the walls. We took the couch and shoved it back, leaving a large space on the carpet. While some people opted to stand with their drinks and keep chatting loudly, twelve of us sat in a circle on the floor, tapping our beer cans in solidarity that whatever was about to happen, we wouldn’t object.
The blonde girl from before winked at me from the other side of the circle. A couple by the wall behind her made out as if no one else was in the room. It made me uncomfortable, but also made my blood pump harder. I was horny and lonely, but holding back. Why? Chill out. Like Brayden says—I need this.
A different chick, this one a redhead, asked her friend to rinse her beer bottle before we started playing. To amp things up, she dove right in with a topic that made me sweat. “Okay, guys. Settle a bet for us ladies.”
“What you wanna know, babe?” the beefy guy at her side asked. His T-shirt was at least one size too small, showing off his built physique. He had a straight, white smile, but I got the impression he was one of the few people here who could drink legally. Maybe it was his house?
The redhead eyed everyone in the circle. “Blow jobs—add the finger up the back, or no?”
All us men groaned and shifted our eyes to the floor. All but Brayden.
“Hell yes,” he said.
“Amen.” Saluting his bravery, the big guy across from us raised his hand for Brayden to high-five him. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about, bro.”
I scoffed. “Wait a minute, here—”
“What? Ain’t your girl ever do that for you, Cody?” Brayden smirked, putting me on the spot.
My cheeks rushed with heat. Fuck, you’re making me blush. “She wasn’t exactly, um, into doing that,” I whispered close to him.
“Oh.”
“Sounds like somebody needs a bad girl,” the blonde said, then mimed a cock in her mouth by pushing her cheek out with her tongue.
Damn, girl. If I hadn’t been fully blushing already, I was now.
The redhead’s friend came back with the clean bottle and announced the ground rules. “Okay, I’m sure we all know how it’s played. But here’s the deal. The person who spins the bottle must kiss the person on the other end, unless it lands back on yourself. Tongues required.”
“Just a kiss, right?” I asked, chuckling, trying to get eye contact away from the blonde.
The redhead chimed in. “Or I can get out the old truth or dare spinner...”
“My god, Grace, don’t you remember how much trouble I got in last time you brought that thing out?” a girl standing by the couch yelled.
“You loved it and you know it,” Grace replied.
Grace the horny redhead. What a damn name.
Brayden tapped my shoulder and whispered, “She told me about that, you know.”
I ignored the giggles and fake fighting between the girls. “Yeah? What happened?”
“They have all sorts of shit on this wheel. Apparently that chick got fucked by two dudes in the center of the circle. Total spitroast. One in her mouth, one from behind.”
Jesus. I gulped to settle the chill up my spine. The chill of wanting to play the other game. The thrill of being run through by a train. Of Brayden's strong hands and his eyes piercing through me, though I'd wish there were two of him, one on each end.
“Keep your eyes open for cameras,” he said, then settled back in his place at my side.
Any apprehension I had before was amplified. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
“Katie, you start,” Grace said, giving the bottle to the blonde.
She eyed me like I was her goal. Placing the bottle in the center, she crawled forward and let her shirt neckline drop from gravity. Her round tits almost popped out of her bra completely. Everything moved in slow motion until she made her spin.
My eyes dropped to the bottle. I can’t tell if I want it to land on me or not.
“Aww,” Katie groaned when it landed on a brunette at my side. Brayden's friend Sarah.
The guys in the circle hooted, “Hell yeah, get in there and kiss!”
The group made smacking noises while the girls inched toward each other. Right in front of me, Katie stopped so I would have a good seat for the show. She licked Sarah’s lips before they met and moaned like she was in a porno.
Totally fake. What are you even doing?
“Yummy,” she said when they were done, then leaned back to her spot, but held my gaze the whole time.
It was too obvious—too on-the-nose. Instead of making me want her, I was turned off.
Sarah stayed in the center for her turn at the bottle. She landed on Brayden, who tapped my bicep.
I smiled at him. Wanted to be happy for him. Faked it long enough to make it this far, anyway.
“Check it out,” he said, then crawled forward to her.
Just like before, I didn’t watch Sarah. I watched her partner. Brayden. His big bottom lip dragged below hers when they kissed. She stayed more with him than she did with Katie. He even reached up a hand behind her ear to keep her close.
I shivered with goosebumps. What the fuck’s wrong with me?
His deep, long eyelashes curled at the ends, even longer than the fake ones Sarah wore. He was clean-cut and shaved, but a hint of shadow at his jawline betrayed him. Brayden’s skin was clear as always—he didn’t go through an acne patch that so many of our friends did growing up. No, he was smooth and tan. I didn’t know if it was his blood or how much time he spent in the sun, but since I’d never seen tan lines on him in the locker room, I assumed it was just his natural hue. Gilded and irresistible. Had he told me his dad was Cuban, or had I just assumed? I couldn't remember.
I took another sip from my beer. Actually, I finished it, then crunched the can in unknown frustration. Stop it.
Brayden came back to his place and licked his lips as he rested. He smiled at me.
“I think it’s still your turn,” I said.
“Oh, shit, right.” Brayden took a crawl forward, and I stared at the bottle again, dreading and halfway hoping for the outcome.
Land on me, don’t land on me, land on—
The bottle rested directly between us. My heart pounded so fast, I thought everyone could hear it.
Before either of us could react, Grace came forward. “Aw, damn. Landed on yourself,” and spun it for her own turn, taking it away from Brayden, and not even entertaining the chance that he’d landed on me.
I let out a breath, unaware I was holding it.
He hit me like he always did, in the center of my chest. “Shit, that was lucky, huh?”
“Right. Yeah. Lucky.” I laughed, then stood to get another beer. Get me the hell out of here.
I came back to the circle and sat through more rounds, having reined in my nerves, and found Katie flirting with a new guy to her right. My disinterest became so obvious, she wasn’t even trying, which was fine with me. It was also no problem that the bottle never came so close to me again.
People paired off and disappeared all over the house, leaving only a few straggling couples in the open, quietly talking while getting more drunk. Brayden and Sarah snuck away early on, to my chagrin.
To get out of the stuffy, sex-filled air, I went to the back porch with a bottle of water I found in the fridge. These people won’t care. I cracked it open and worked on sobering up so I could take myself and my surely trashed friend back home whenever he emerged.
The sky was clear, and the stars looked down on me, forcing me to ask the questions that rattled in my head. Why am I jealous that he’s with that girl, when I could’ve picked someone, too? When he dated Claire and told me about their time together, I felt like this. But I didn’t want her. What exactly did I want? I groaned and buried my face in my hands. I know what I want. I'm a pussy for not being able to say it.
The back screen door creaked behind me. “There you are,” Brayden said, patting my back as he stood at my side.
I snapped to attention and sipped from my water again.
“Can I have some of that?” He took a couple big swigs and sighed with satisfaction. “Thanks. Man, it’s hot in there.”
“Hmm.” I took back the bottle and stared at the ground below.
“Did you hook up with anyone?” he asked, still trying to meet my gaze from the left.
I didn’t look over. “Nah. Like I said, just wasn’t feeling it.”
“That’s cool, I guess. You’re only into people that make you feel something.” He lowered his tone. “Or...you’re still hoping Nicole will come back.”
I sighed. “Who knows? I don’t even know if I can say what I want anymore. I should’ve been all over that girl Katie, but she just made me cringe. Must be somethin' really wrong with me, huh?"
“You’ve only slept with one chick, and she left. You’re allowed to be nervous. I’m just trying to help.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not nervous at all. I don’t know how you do it, man.” I drank from the water again and looked at the stars as I spoke. “I don’t even like kissing strangers. You know, I can name everyone I’ve ever kissed on one hand?” I scoffed. “You macked on Sarah like you’d done it a hundred times.”
“I have,” he said.
I looked his way. “What?”
Brayden folded his arms and leaned on the railing to look out. “Sarah’s a family friend. Her mom and my mom are really close, and we used to fool around.” He grinned. “She’s still a great kisser, but we just went upstairs and bitched about our parents for a while. We’re not into each other like that anymore.”
His little confession made me feel better, but I now had hundreds of questions. “So she’s the one who told you about the party tonight?”
“Yeah. She saw me at the mall yesterday when she was with her friend Grace—you know, the redhead? I told them you might need some cheering up since your girl left town.”
So you brought me just for this...and I’m out here alone. How pathetic.
“Sarah said she could tell you were uncomfortable earlier. I’m sorry I left you alone for so long. You been out here the whole time?”
“Mostly.” I crunched the bottle in my hand, letting it crackle and pop as I spun it in circles. “And I wasn’t that uncomfortable with the game. I mean, guess it was lucky you didn’t have to kiss me, right?”
He chuckled but didn’t answer me.
I looked at him. “We both agree it definitely landed on me though, right?”
Brayden glanced my way. “Yeah, it did.”
Under the starlight, his dark brows and lashes were even more black, but his brown eyes were lit from within. Caramel and gold, delicious and special, and I knew them well. My heart pounded again, like it did earlier. I took a risk. “Were you bummed they didn’t let us?”
He scoffed. “No.”
Fuck. Cover up, cover up. “Just kidding, jeez.”
“Right.” Brayden glared at me for a second, but his expression cracked and he laughed. “Shit, that would’ve been ridiculous though. Makin’ out with my best friend in front of a bunch of college chicks? No thanks.”
I laughed, too, but my tension wasn’t any better. “Awkward to say the least.” The water bottle was almost empty, and I took the last of it, then crushed the bottle like I did the beer can earlier. “Can I ask you something?”
“What’s up?”
“Have you...ever kissed a guy?” I turned to him to watch his expression, guessing if he lied, I would be able to tell.
Brayden cocked his brow at me, the way he always did when he thought I was being ridiculous. “No, dude. Have you?”
“No.” I tossed the bottle in the trash behind us. “Just curious.”
“Why would you be curious about something like that?”
Awkward, indeed. I wanted to take back what I asked, but I couldn’t. “I don’t know...I’ve never tried, and I don’t even know why it would be such a big deal.”
“Yeah, you do.” Brayden put his heavy hand on my shoulder, stirring wings in the pit of my stomach. “We’ve known each other since we were ten. You’re like my brother.”
“So that’s the only thing that’s stopping you? Would you have kissed—”
“Cody, seriously. Why are we even talking about this?” He took his hand away, and I missed it. A cold spot on my shoulder spread where his presence once was. The comfort I felt when he sat at my side was a void. He wasn’t my brother, but he was something else. A definition I’d never tried to place.
My voice went quiet, but not quite a whisper, trying to put words to what I was thinking. “Maybe that’s why I wanted to try it with you. My best friend...somebody I can trust not to make fun of me or...tell anyone.”
Our gazes still matched, but he wasn’t in the same place I was. He jokingly leaned closer. “So, you want me to dive in, or...?”
I chuckled. “Not like that. Don’t make it weird. I was just thinking, if we’re about to start college and do things like this, I don’t want to wonder.”
Brayden nodded, but snorts escaped from his nose before he sighed. “Well, this is awkward as hell.” Like always, he had more courage than I did, and even peered into the house behind us to make sure nobody was looking—or worse—filming. “Wanna just pretend we’re playing the game again?”
I cracked my neck side to side. “Sure. Yeah. Let’s just get it done.”
“Should I use tongue, or—”
“Fuck, Bray, you’re thinking about it too much.”
He moved away from the railing to face me head-on. “No grabbing my ass, alright?”
We laughed nervously, and I leaned in a little. “Don’t worry. I’m not that handsy.” In fact, I kept my hands at my sides to keep from going too far.
The seconds that led up to our touch were eternal. We didn’t close our eyes. My lips met his, then we pulled back, but not by much.
“That was lame,” he said.
“Okay, okay, warm up.” I waved my hand to bring him in again. “Close your eyes this time.”
“Okay.” He did as I asked and pressed in more the second time. We held it for a few tense seconds.
As we did, my insides melted. I’m kissing Brayden. Bray, my teammate. My best friend. The guy I trust more than anyone. Figuring he didn't like it, I leaned away like I did before, but this time, he didn’t let me get far. He reached out and pulled me in by my neck, like he did with Sarah—the move that gave me goosebumps. Oh, it still worked. I opened my mouth for a slide of our tongues, and other than not having to lean down because he was my same height, I couldn’t tell the difference between kissing him and kissing the hottest girl I’d ever seen.
When it was over, Brayden released me. “Sorry, got carried away,” he said, then cleared his throat.
“Yeah. Well.” I didn’t have anything to say. At least, nothing I thought I could. Don’t stop? Come back? Give me more? What the fuck?! To cut the tension, I changed the subject. “Shit, what time is it now?”
He looked grateful for it and pulled out his phone. “It’s almost one.”
“Curfew. Am I dropping you at your place?”
“Sure. I mean, you can, but don’t forget you need to give me a ride in the morning, remember?”
“Oh, right.” I forgot that his car was in the shop and I offered to take him to pick it up by ten. “I’m gonna have a hangover tomorrow; I know it. If you wanna stay with me, you can.”
He pressed his lips in a line and ran a hand through his shiny hair, which waved softly, proving he had no product to keep it in place. “Thanks.”
“Let’s head out, then. I’m definitely sober now.” I shook my head and rushed through the house for the front door, not bothering to look behind me if Brayden tried to say something else.
What the hell have I done?
